Look What God Has Done

Author: Niki Kirk

  • Self-Will in Recovery

    What Is Self-Will?

    Self-will means wanting to do things your way, even if it isn’t the best idea or if people warn you otherwise. That can be good — like standing up for yourself and not giving up. But in recovery, if you’re too stubborn, you might not listen to advice or ask for help, which can make things harder.

    “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.” — Proverbs 3:5

    Why Self-Will Matters in Recovery

    When you’re trying to get better, you want control over your life. That’s normal. But trying to do everything by yourself and not letting others help can make it easier to fall back into old habits. You need to know when to trust yourself and when it’s time to reach out.

    Support Groups and Letting Go

    Groups like AA or NA talk a lot about self-will. They say letting go a little — trusting others, a higher power, or just being open — can make recovery easier. Letting go doesn’t mean giving up responsibility. It just means you’re open to help and willing to change.

    How Self-Will Can Help You

    Self-will isn’t all bad. It’s the force that helps you stand up for yourself, say “no” to old habits, and keep pushing forward. Every day in recovery, you make choices: going to meetings, talking to a friend, or sticking with tough feelings. That’s self-will working in a good way, helping you stay strong and build a better future.

    When Self-Will Gets in the Way

    Too much self-will can make you stubborn and closed off. If you think you have to do everything alone, you might stop asking for help — and that can lead to slipping back. Overconfidence or ignoring advice can set you back, so it’s important to notice signs like pulling away from friends, being defensive, or thinking you’ve got everything handled when you don’t.

    Finding Balance

    You don’t have to give up self-will — you just need to balance it. Know when to do things yourself and when to ask for help. This looks different for everyone, and that’s okay.

    “In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.” — Proverbs 16:9

    Tips for Handling Self-Will

    • Notice Your Habits: Check in with yourself — are you being stubborn or open?
    • Stay Connected: Friends, groups, or family can help you see when you’re off track.
    • Be Humble: Be willing to learn from others — nobody knows it all. “God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” — James 4:6
    • Be Flexible: If one way isn’t working, try something new.
    • Set Boundaries: Use self-will to protect what matters most to you.

    Self-Will and Spirituality

    For many, recovery is about more than quitting — it’s about finding meaning or hope. Letting go of some control doesn’t mean you’re weak. It means you’re strong enough to ask for help, whether from a higher power, friends, or just life itself.

    How Letting Go Can Help

    Letting go isn’t giving up — it’s freeing yourself. There’s strength in asking for help, wisdom in knowing you don’t have all the answers, and real growth in accepting support.

    “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand… Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” — 1 Peter 5:6-7

    Conclusion

    Self-will is a big deal in recovery. It’s not good or bad by itself — it’s about how you use it. Recovery means taking charge of your life, but it also means knowing when you need support. Be brave, ask for help, and learn when to lean on yourself and when to lean on others. That’s how you heal, grow, and build the life you want.

    Download the Navigating Self-Will worksheet

  • Facing Fear in Recovery

    Fear is one of the enemy’s favorite tools. It whispers lies that sound like truth: you’re not strong enough, you’ll never change, it’s safer to go back to what you know. But fear is not from God. “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind” (2 Timothy 1:7).

    I know fear. I lived in it for years. Fear of being honest about who I’d become. Fear of walking into a room and admitting I needed help. Fear that if people really knew me, they’d walk away. And underneath all of it, the biggest fear of all: that I’d try to get clean and fail again.

    But here’s what I learned: fear loses its power the moment you bring it into the light.

    Name What You’re Afraid Of

    Fear grows in the dark. When you keep it locked inside, it gets bigger and louder. But when you name it out loud — to God, to a trusted friend, to your sponsor — it starts to shrink. You can’t fight an enemy you won’t face. So be honest with yourself: what are you really afraid of? Change? Failing? Being seen? Write it down. Say it out loud. Drag it into the light.

    Remember Who Goes With You

    Fear tells you you’re alone. That’s a lie. “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand” (Isaiah 41:10). You don’t have to be fearless — you just have to remember who’s holding you. Courage isn’t the absence of fear. It’s moving forward with God while your knees are still shaking.

    Take the Next Small Step

    Fear wants you frozen. It wants you so overwhelmed by everything ahead that you do nothing at all. Don’t look at the whole mountain — just take the next step. Make the call. Go to the meeting. Tell one person the truth. Small obedience builds big faith, and every step you take in spite of fear is a victory.

    Let Go of the “What Ifs”

    Fear lives in the future — in all the what-ifs that haven’t happened and probably never will. But God only gives grace for today. “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things” (Matthew 6:34). Stay in today. Handle what’s in front of you. Let God handle what’s ahead of you.

    Lean on Your People

    God never meant for us to do this alone. Find people who will pray with you, check on you, and tell you the truth when fear is lying to you. Isolation is where fear thrives; community is where it dies.

    Fear knocked on my door for years, and for a long time I let it in and gave it a seat at my table. Not anymore. I still feel fear sometimes — but now I know what to do with it. I hand it to God and keep walking.

    You can too.

    Download: Fears Inventory Worksheet

  • Letting Go

    What does this term mean? What specifically are you letting go of? Letting go means different things for different people but overall it means letting go of old, worn out patterns of behavior that no longer suit you in recovery.

    Letting go of people, places, and things that jeopardize your recovery efforts. Letting go of self-doubt and self-blame that keep you stuck. Letting go of pride and perfectionism, which are unrealistic expectations of yourself. Letting go of negative thoughts and feelings that no longer serve you.

    How does one “let go”? This will be a different answer for each person. Letting go is not just about letting go of your addiction but letting go of old behaviors that kept you in the addiction. You let go by not being hard on yourself during recovery. There are challenges that everyone faces in recovery and you do not need to change everything overnight. Allow yourself the time to heal and to rediscover yourself.

    Let go of the blame game and focus on what you are grateful for in recovery. Blaming others for your hardships during recovery hurts only yourself. There are ups and downs in recovery, just like in life. Let go by allowing life to happen and understand that you are only in control of yourself, not others.

    Let go of the anger you have and the guilt and shame you carry around with you. Instead, begin to heal the wounds of past relationships by talking to a professional counselor or better, talking to the individual that you have hurt directly by your addiction. Let go of the need to compare yourself to others. This happens quite a bit in recovery as many compare number of days, weeks, months, or years of sobriety that someone else has. Be happy for them, learn from them but focus on your time. Whatever you have is an accomplishment.

    No person on this planet is perfect. Let go of trying to be perfect in all areas of your life. Give life your all, learn from your experiences, and set realistic goals. Be humble, live simply, and learn to forgive.

    Letting Go in Recovery

    In many ways, recovery is a process of letting go. It is not just letting go of the addiction itself, but also the behaviors that enable it. Some of the things you must release in order to progress in recovery include:

    Being a victim: Addiction is painful and many who struggle with it believe they have been victimized. Addiction hurts more than just the person who is affected by it—their family and loved ones are also often exposed to pain and struggle as a result. Avoiding the victim mentality is critical, and letting go of it is just as important. It does not contribute positively to recovery. Rather than falling into that mindset, focus on what makes you happy and list the things for which you are grateful. This can help keep things in perspective when times get tough.

    Beating yourself up: Everyone makes mistakes and often those in recovery struggle with letting go of their past. Similarly to the victim mindset, beating yourself up for past actions or experiences does not contribute positively to recovery. Rather than focusing on things you cannot change, focus on how you can learn and grow from those experiences. Calling yourself names, or thinking poorly of yourself—especially if you have experienced relapse—will not help you get back on feet. Recovery is not easy, and beating yourself up will not make the process more successful.

    Comparing yourself to others: It can be easy to lose sight of your progress when you continuously compare yourself to others. Each person is in a different stage of recovery and has varying experiences. It is also easy to view other people’s lives unrealistically. This is especially true when viewing others through the lens of social media or online representation. People often only share what they want others to know, and can leave out the other, less positive aspects of their lives.

    Trying to be perfect: It is impossible to be perfect, and the journey in recovery will not be without mistakes or steps back. It is important to consider the bigger picture and how everything contributes to your overall success. Without mistakes or setbacks, you would be unable to learn and grow as a result. Giving your all, learning from your experiences, and setting realistic goals is the best you can do.

    Waiting until the right moment: There is no such thing as “the right time”. People may put off entering recovery because they are waiting for what they think is the right time, but truthfully, there is no perfect moment. Achieving sobriety is a decision you should make now. There is no right time; getting help for addiction does not become easier as more time passes. The sooner you begin your journey, the sooner you can enjoy the successes of sobriety.

    Download: Surrender in Recovery WorksheetDownload

  • Accountability

    Accountability plays a crucial role in recovery from addiction, empowering individuals to take ownership of their actions and choices on the path to lasting sobriety.

    Why is accountability important?

    Accountability is one of the most important factors in maintaining sobriety. When you are accountable, you take responsibility for your actions. This means being honest with yourself and others, setting goals, and creating plans to achieve them, as well as admitting when you’ve made a mistake. Being accountable allows you to take control of your life and set yourself up for future success. Staying accountable keeps you focused on what matters most. To maintain recovery, you need to be accountable for your actions to ensure you stick to your recovery plan. Without accountability, it’s easy to fall back into old habits and relapse. Staying accountable in recovery gives you a sense of purpose and responsibility.

    You might feel like there’s nothing left except drugs or alcohol, but committing to your recovery provides something else to focus on. It also helps you build a support system of people in similar situations who can help you stay accountable.

    What does it mean to be accountable?

    • Taking ownership, accepting that you are the one responsible for a task or situation, rather than blaming external factors or other people.
    • Being answerable, being prepared to explain and justify your actions and decisions to others, and to accept the consequences of those actions, whether positive or negative.
    • Fulfilling Commitments, following through on promises, meeting deadlines, and completing tasks as expected.

    How can we practice accountability?

    Yourself

    • Set clear goals. You can’t be accountable for something that isn’t clearly defined. SMART goals are Specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound, ensuring your goals are well-defined and trackable.
    • Create a plan, break down large goals into smaller, manageable steps. This makes the overall objective less daunting and provides a roadmap for your progress. Creating a schedule or routine can also help you stay on track.
    • Track your progress regularly and review your progress towards your goals. This could be through a journal, an app, or a simple spreadsheet. Seeing your accomplishments can be motivating, and it helps you identify areas where you might be falling behind.
    • Own your mistakes when things don’t go as planned, avoid making excuses, or blaming others. Instead, acknowledge what went wrong, take responsibility for your part, and use it as a learning opportunity. This is a powerful way to grow and improve.
    • Be honest with yourself, regularly check in with your emotions and motivations. Understand your limits and be honest about what you can realistically achieve. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, don’t be afraid to adjust your plan or ask for help.
    • Reward yourself, celebrate your successes, both big and small. Positive reinforcement is a great motivator and helps you stay engaged in the process.

    Others

    • Find an accountability partner, this can be a friend, a mentor, or a coworker who shares a similar goal. Regularly checking in with them can provide external motivation and support.
    • Communicate and be transparent about your commitment and deadlines with others, whether in a personal or professional setting. If a problem arises, communicate promptly and proactively, and work with others to find a solution.
    • Ask for feedback, be open to constructive criticism. Seeking input from others shows that you are committed to improving and are willing to be held to a certain standard.
    • Lead by example if you are in a leadership role; demonstrating your accountability is essential. Your team will follow your lead, so if you want to foster a culture of accountability, you need to model that behavior yourself.

    S.M.A.R.T. Goals

    Specific– Clearly define what you want to achieve, answering questions like “what needs to be accomplished?” and “who is responsible?”.

    Measurable– Criteria include those that allow you to track your progress and determine when the goal is accomplished.

    Achievable– Ensures the goal is within your capabilities and realistic to accomplish.

    Relevant- goals should align with your overall objective and purpose.

    Time-bound– Sets a specific deadline or timeframe for achieving the goals to provide a sense of urgency and facilitate tracking.

    Anticipating obstacles and fostering achievements

    Brainstorm potential obstacles, proactively identify potential challenges or barriers that might arise when working toward your goal.

    Example:

    1. Internal: Lack of motivation, self-doubt, fear of failure, procrastination
    2. External: Limited resources (time, money), unforeseen circumstances, lack of support

    Make sure your SMART goal is realistic, attainable, and consider your time frame. Develop a backup plan. For each potential obstacle, brainstorm solutions or alternative approaches. If you’re concerned about a lack of motivation, consider setting up a reward system.

    How to identify recurring patterns in your behavior that could hinder your accountability

    1. Practice self-reflection and observation:   
      1. Dedicate reflection time each day: Set aside quiet time to thoughtfully examine your thoughts, actions, and reactions in various situations.
      1. Journaling: Writing a journal can provide valuable insights into behavior patterns and triggers. Documenting experiences, thoughts, and emotions daily or when significant events occur.
      1. Ask reflective questions:
        1. What did I accomplish today? This week?
        1. What challenges did I face?
        1. What could have been done differently?
        1. Did I make assumptions that might have been wrong?